Friday, October 30, 2009

ignorance is bliss

Our secretary is a true sweetheart, but is also rather fond of drama, especially if it is totally unnecessary. A recent example includes someone attributing her name to a work order incorrectly. This would usually involve a simple "that wasn't me" phone call or email to rectify, but for her she planned out an involved strategy of who needs to be contacted and provisions for difficulty with backup plans. In reality the order actually has nothing to do with her at all, excepting the bookkeeping error, and she could simply ignore the problem and it would go away.

Typically when I talk to her, like after a morning greeting, I'm prepared for some sort of soliloquy on her crushing life events. I try to remain stoic throughout. She's a sweetie, so I don't want to shut her down, but I also don't want to add fuel to the fire. Typically I give her some noncommittal remarks, and, if I actually have any knowledge of the area, some help.

Today she was extra excited and proceeded to tell me a story about a man who had some rare condition and had kept a gorilla in his basement and fought with it for several years until it had actually killed him, even tearing off his arm at one point. I, politely, called bullshit, and recommended she check it on She continued like she hadn't heard anything so I nodded, repeated myself, she continued, I spelled for her, and then left. A little while later she said she had found the article and tried to give it to me, so I chatted with her, but didn't take the article and left.

Eventually I had a minute and was curious so I actually looked it up using some nice generic, but defining terms, and it popped right up as hit number one. As it turns out it's an onion article, and her lack of understanding was so goddamned hilarious I couldn't decide whether to tell her or not. In the end I told her. There was no practical way to follow the progress of the story as she told it to other people, so the entertainment value was pretty much used up, and it was time for some modicum of damage control.


Jim said...

Why didn't he just shoot it?

scientist 1 said...

Sure you could shoot it.

If you were a pussy.

Jim said...

A pussy with a vest made from real gorilla chest!

scientist 1 said...

My vest! My vest!